4/22/2024 0 Comments I'm glad your in my dash poem![]() ![]() Peter Bowron - Robyn, there's a random tilda between the second and third couplet which I think is just a typo - there are no others and it feels unnecessary, unless it's to specify the rest of the poem as "old files", in which case you may need another as things resolve towards the end. Is this - the refreshment he's long sought? "she speaks - with her simple words: "Hi, son" ![]() Whereas I appreciate the minimalism with punctuation, I'm wondering if couplet five would be more impactful with a question mark. I could just feel the emotions tugging through your well-chosen wording - the ambiguous anticipation of these metaphorical lines "days shrink - to a tightly woven skin choice sits - an uneasy perch for life", to the realization of this "her arms - reach to hug her only child he sees - numbers stamped when you're their slave", to being freed from the shackles of unknowing and anger "this day - brittle fetters drop from bones those years - never kissing Mama's face." The transition from defensiveness to epiphany and forgiveness is handled well. This poem written in couplets of blank verse, builds up with the anticipation of meeting one's mother for the first time, along with the apprehension and mixed feelings. This emphasizes that we never know why a parent who is not present has abandoned us, and that it may not have been in their control. What was most moving about your amazing write was the disclosure of the 'branding' on the mother's arm, of slavery. Now, I believe we have found who the father was too. We found his mother finally, years after he passed away, but she had passed away also. I personally relate to this because my late husband was adopted from birth, and he held a bitterness about it his entire life. Kareneisenlord Klge - This evoked such strong emotions in me. "Oh Chill'uns" by TKT (commented on when 1st posted) "a pique at critique" by MLee Dickens'son and of course.Ĩ. "To Sail the Azure Moon" by Bethany Laurelĥ. "If it's true, that song can tame the heart" by Jonathan Wilsonģ. Initially, I had these two poems to be assessed by the three judges as part of the critiques- then I reconsidered:Ģ. This poem explores the way some attempt to heal these breaches and reunite.Ĭonstructive Critiques completed on all other contestant's entries as listed below:Ģ. Some relationships are interrupted due to regime or criminal world intrusion, severing all physical connection, for some even at the time of birth. Spells hope - as the tears of love embraceĬC DNS Contest: '04 - A Focus on Critique' Theme: Love This hug - soaked in shuddered moans and groans This day - brittle fetters drop from bones The way - to break loose from captors strong He sees - numbers stamped when you're their slave ![]() Held hate - can some loving thoughts prevail.? He sighs - does she know the years he seethed why now - where were you when I first breathed.?! is this - the refreshment he's long sought.? She speaks - with her simple words: "Hi, son." To sort - the old files so full of strifeĪ breeze - ruffles wisps of hair age-won He stares - where on earth should he begin ![]()
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